Recit.—Judge.
That seems a reasonable proposition,
To which, I think, your client may agree.
Counsel.
But, I submit, m'lud, with all submission,
To marry two at once is Burglaree!
(Referring to law book.)
In the reign of James the Second,
It was generally reckoned
As a rather serious crime
To marry two wives at a time.
(Hands book up to Judge, who reads it.)
All.
Oh, man of learning!
Quartette.
Judge.
A nice dilemma we have here,
That calls for all our wit:
Counsel.
And at this stage, it don't appear
That we can settle it.
Defendant.
If I to wed the girl am loth
A breach 'twill surely be—
Plaintiff.
And if he goes and marries both,
It counts as Burglaree!
All.
A nice dilemma, &c.
Duet—Plaintiff and Defendant.
Plaintiff (embracing him rapturously).
I love him—I love him—with fervour unceasing,
I worship and madly adore;
My blind adoration is ever increasing,
My loss I shall ever deplore.
Oh, see what a blessing, what love and caressing
I've lost, and remember it, pray,
When you I'm addressing, are busy assessing
The damages Edwin must pay!
Defendant (repelling her furiously).
I smoke like a furnace—I'm always in liquor,
A ruffian—a bully—a sot;
I'm sure I should thrash her, perhaps I should kick her,
I am such a very bad lot!
I'm not prepossessing, as you may be guessing,
She couldn't endure me a day;
Recall my professing, when you are assessing
The damages Edwin must pay!
(She clings to him passionately; after a struggle, he throws her into arms of Counsel.)
Jury.
We would be fairly acting,
But this is most distracting!
If, when in liquor, he would kick her,
That is an abatement.
Public.
She loves him, and madly adores, &c.
Recit.—Judge.
The question, gentlemen—is one of liquor;
You ask for guidance—this is my reply:
He says, when tipsy, he would thrash and kick her,
Let's make him tipsy, gentlemen, and try!
Counsel.
With all respect
I do object!
Plaintiff.
I do object!
Defendant.
I don't object!
All.
With all respect
We do object!
Judge (tossing his books and papers about.)
All the legal furies seize you!
No proposal seems to please you,
I can't sit up here all day,
I must shortly get away.
Barristers, and you, attorneys,
Get you on your homeward journeys;
Gentle, simple-minded usher.
Get you, if you like, to Russher;
Put your briefs upon the shelf,
I will marry her myself!
(He comes down from Bench to floor of Court. He embraces Angelina.)
FINALE.
Oh, joy unbounded,
With wealth surrounded.
The knell is sounded
Of grief and woe.
Counsel.
With love devoted
On you he's doated,
To castle moated
Away they go.
Defendant.
I wonder whether
They'll live together
In marriage tether
In manner true?
Usher.
It seems to me, sir,
Of such as she, sir,
A judge is he, sir.
And a good judge too.
Chorus.
Oh, joy unbounded, &c.
GRAND TRANSFORMATION SCENE.
Judge.
Yes, I am a Judge.
All.
And a good Judge too!
Judge.
Yes, I am a Judge.
All.
And a good Judge too!
Though homeward as you trudge
You declare my law is fudge,
Yet of beauty I'm a judge.
All.
And a good Judge too!
Judge.
Tho' defendant is a snob—
All.
And a great snob too!
Tho' defendant is a snob,
I'll reward him from my fob.
All.
So we've settled with the job.
And a good job too!
CURTAIN.